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The art of feeling. The art of grieving.

When we think about trust and spiritual development, most often we think about emotions such as bliss, joy, insight, ecstasy even. And yet…

In the loving darkness, in the cauldron of loss, sadness, frustration or anger, I found an ecstasy, a release, an art, perhaps even greater, even more beautiful, than any of the mountain-top experiences.

An art that is about beholding instead of creating. An art that is about embracing instead of distracting. An art that is about release instead of holding on to

I learned that this art-form is about embracing sadness, embracing frustration, inviting tears; not as a life-style (we all know those people who have made it their lifestyle, I am not speaking about that). But I am speaking about welcoming those feelings as an inherent aspect of life. As something beautiful. Something that wants to be felt. That needs to be felt. To hold like a sacred seed… because that’s what it is, sacred.

So I found out that this art-form is about embracing all of those feelings — all that is not what we wished for, we hoped for, we thought things would be…This art is about letting that arise to the surface — raw, true, and without filter. And maybe even sharing that, with your greatest trustee.

And then, as that trustee, this art-form is about daring to be with that. Daring to be with the other person’s earth-shattering sadness. To be that uncomfortableness. With the loss for words. Not fixing, not faking, not telling them (whether it is your friend, your child, your lover) things will get better. It will be all right, don’t cry. Not telling them to be strong, to move on; not coaxing them with whatever distraction.

But being with those mighty lively feelings. Telling them: yes, be vulnerable. Yes, be sad. Cry as much as you need. Instead of distracting I will shed a tear with you.

Beholding and embracing.

Beholding and embracing.

Beholding and embracing.

This is the art of feeling. The art of shedding tears. And I believe that is the evolutionary potential of our collective emotional development.


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