Every time I am under the ignorant illusion that the big things in life cannot shake me up anymore—after having dealt with loss, with grief, with fear, with uncertainty, and enormous adventure—life presents me something new.
During the last week I had to let go control and it shook my core. It rattled my trust and unleashed inner emotions of stress and anxiety in a way I did not experienced before. And just like that, I was not sure of her anymore. Of life taking care of me, even though I knew she had done before.
Almost as if she was testing me. Saying, hey, are you sure? Can you stay happy and healthy even under this pressure? Do you trust me enough to be your most important teacher, your greatest friend, your biggest enemy, your caring mother, and your protecting father, all at once?
Do you trust me enough to also let me handle this?
So during the last week life reminded me again. That spiritual development and trust is not so much about being stress-free or being without fear or anxiety. But rather it is about our ability to know what to do with it. What to do with those feelings. What to do when our trust is challenged. To understand the mechanism. The play. Even the fun and the thrill.
Because life, she will test us, again and again and again.
So the question is, how do I stay happy and healthy (and sane) under these circumstances?
I took a few things from my personal toolkit: Sitting with the discomfort. Just sitting with it. Not running away, but observing a 100 emotions spinning through my inner space, all at once.
Taking rest. Eating well. Sleeping enough. Speaking with that supporting friend 6, 7, 8 times. Sniffing fresh air. Making contact with my favorite tree or plant.
But most effectively: remembering that she is there. Life and the unseen web of intelligence. That this web sustains and supports both the universe as a whole and each individual creation, including me. So I can give her whatever I am carrying and there is no need to worry, no matter how bad it gets. How shaky. How uncertain. Just hand it over. Life, she got you, until the end.
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